Just Kinda Ramblin’

13 Mar

Not even sure where to start; It has been quite some time since I’ve written anything (I’ve failed miserably at posting regularly) Guess it’s just best to start spilling what’s on my heart. I tend to struggle with pulling the thousands of random thoughts I have on multiple topics together to form a semi intelligent statement. Even that just rambled…J I’ve got a lot of stuff weighing on me. Am I being the follower that Jesus wants me to be or am I just a fan of his work when it makes my life a little easier? Am I being the husband and father that God intended me to be and that Julie, Keli, and Karis deserve? Am I placing the needs of others ahead of my own?  Or, better put; do I “Count others more significant than myself” (Philippians 2:3)? These are the planks in my eye that I (along with a lot of others) have the incredible ability to look past while focusing, with laser like precision, on the specks in the eyes of those around me. I’m working on these things and pray that The Lord will continue to draw me closer to Himself. As He does, I can hopefully say that I am better today than I was yesterday. But, here’s the rub-life happens! I get tired, frustrated, aggravated, mad, overloaded, and others get tired, frustrated, aggravated, mad, and overloaded too! My expectations of everybody else aren’t met, I’m definitely not living up to others expectations of me, and there’s no other way to describe it but…messy. And to tell the truth, I’m a little bit afraid of messy because that’s what I was delivered from! And, I don’t want to go back there! There is a pretty big difference though; messy today is accepting one day at a time trusting that Jesus will walk through every bit of the mess with me and messy then was that place where I had come to the end of myself and all of my best thinking. There was no way to discern the line where I stopped and the hell that I created with bad choice after bad choice began. It was at that point that I received the most precious gift ever…the gift of brokenness and desperation. I had exhausted all of my resources and the only place I could turn was to The One who was all I ever needed.  

Fast forward some 13 years and I find myself praying for boldness and confidence when it comes to sharing the Gospel, for opportunities to serve others, I pray that the Light of Jesus would shine through me, I pray that I would be a leader of men striving for biblical manhood, I pray that I would daily move closer to my Lord and Savior and those things I talked about earlier as weighing on me, start to get better because it is Jesus in me and not me working. In my pursuit of relationship with Jesus and trying to live out what it looks like to be “a man after Gods own heart” (Biblical Manhood), I have become a better follower, husband, and father. Certainly not perfect, but a whole lot better than I once was. And as those things are happening as a result of my relationship, my prayers have changed as well and they are being answered daily. Most of the time faster than I can handle but He has provided the resources and way of escape in every situation.

Here’s where I hope to tie this randomness together and make some senseJ During that time 13 years ago when I was at the lowest point I could possibly imagine, my quest for Biblical Manhood began. Servant leadership with boldness and confidence was born in that place of desperation and hopelessness! I could no longer fix anything in my life and I had to rely on the healing, transforming power of a Loving Savior. My strength and power was depleted but His power was made perfect in my weakness and His Grace was/is sufficient for ALL things. See, for me at least, brokenness bred humility; humility led to reliance on Him; reliance on Him leads to being the man he wants me to be; and that has led to boldness and confidence. Not to be confused with pride and arrogance because those things are born of self-reliance. Humility comes from knowing that I can do nothing without Him and that boldness and confidence comes from knowing that I can do ALL things through Him. And He can change the world through me! I don’t know where all this is leading but I do know that it is an incredible journey that I don’t want to miss! He has taken my brokenness and turned it into a trophy of His Grace. He has given me a story of Redemption and Restoration and He doesn’t intend for me to keep that to myself! He has given me a voice and a platform because there is much to be done. The harvest is truly plentiful and the laborers are woefully few.  Again, I’m not sure where all this is going but I know that for me to do nothing is no longer an option (on several battlefields)! And, I promise to try to do a better job of keeping you updated…so stay tuned!

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One Response to “Just Kinda Ramblin’”

  1. Eugene Herbert March 19, 2014 at 11:37 am #

    Hey jimmy. Just had a chance to read this . Hmm. It’s truly like a few pages of my Life. It’s ironically funny how the only true clarity of my thoughts take place anymore are when i am able to focus upon his will for me and not my own. It amazes me how”flawed” my perceptions can be, outside of my submission to his guidance. Mostly though, I am inspired by his promises that he will NEVER leave me or forsake me. Because quite frankly, the mere thought of facing life without him to guide me terrifies me. And, strangely enough…,I’m pretty sure this is a good thing. Thank you for this share. It will give me much to ponder upon as I go about my day. And, as I’ve heard my Mom say a thousand times in her life…please be patient with me…God isn’t finished with me yet.

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